BDSM & Power Exchange Glossary: Terms Every Couple Should Know

Every niche develops its own shorthand, and D/s spaces are no exception. This is a working glossary, not an exhaustive one -- the terms that actually come up in day-to-day conversation, explained plainly.

Roles & dynamics

D/s -- Dominant/submissive; the general category covering any power-exchange dynamic
Dom / Domme -- a dominant partner (Domme is sometimes used specifically for a woman in that role)
Sub / submissive -- the partner who defers authority to the other, by agreement
Switch -- someone who takes either role depending on the partner or situation
Keyholder -- specifically, the partner controlling access in a chastity dynamic
FLR -- Female-Led Relationship; see our full explainer for the range this actually covers

Structure & agreements

Scene -- a defined period where the dynamic is "on," as opposed to 24/7 dynamics that don't switch off
Protocol -- specific behaviors or rituals a submissive follows consistently (forms of address, posture, routines)
Contract -- a written (non-legal) agreement documenting roles, limits, and rules -- see our guide to writing one
Hard limit -- something that's off the table entirely, no negotiation
Soft limit -- something that needs extra care, discussion, or a slower approach before it happens

Safety terms (the ones that matter most)

Safeword -- a specific word or signal that immediately pauses or stops what's happening, honored without question
Aftercare -- the check-in and care that happens after an intense scene, for both partners
RACK -- Risk-Aware Consensual Kink; the principle that risk is acknowledged honestly rather than pretended away
SSC -- Safe, Sane, and Consensual; an older but still widely referenced framework for the same idea

Chastity-specific terms

Wear time -- how long a device has been worn continuously
Device care -- the scheduled removal for hygiene and health checks, distinct from an "unlock" as a reward
Denial -- release being withheld or delayed as part of the dynamic
Ruined orgasm -- a specific practice within denial play; not something every couple uses

A note on all of this

None of these terms are requirements. A couple can build a dynamic that works for them using almost none of this vocabulary, or all of it. The words exist to make communication easier -- they're not a checklist you need to complete to have a "real" dynamic.